I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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