dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
