Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
as a side note pls kill me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
