the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
