dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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