I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
