You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
