dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
