After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
