Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
