I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
