Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
where am i from again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
