Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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