I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
