I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
