i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
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I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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