the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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