I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
