you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
