you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
