No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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