Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
