it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
