Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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