Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
