i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router