I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
as a side note pls kill me