I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
