I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
