I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
