p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
only if we run a train.
done.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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