Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
