I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
