toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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