Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
