fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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