I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
sarcasm needs its own font
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
