Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
