i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
