mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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