I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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