I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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