I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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