Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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