Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
