My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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