you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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