ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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