Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
