i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
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When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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