All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
