I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
