Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
