I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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