ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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