Jerry, you need to find god
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
