Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
