You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i think i just lost a toe
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize