We need to rekindle our bromance
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
