Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
