I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
