I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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