In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
