I cut my penus on the lid.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
