dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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