Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
