why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
