That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
