Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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