I cockslap morals
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
