Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
